Overflowing Thoughts.

I want to be with someone

Who will build a fort and spend the night in it with me.

Who will go to the park in the middle of the night with me and we can play and have it all to ourselves.

Who will miss me as much as I miss them and want to spend as much time with me as I do with them.

Who will give me flowers or surprise me for no reason except that they love me.

Who will take a drive with me just to drive.

Who will look at the stars with me.

Who will drop everything and be there for me when I’m sad.

Who will talk to me and tell me everything and who I can tell everything to.

Who will love me and not ever ever hurt me.

How can you miss someone and hate them so much at the same time?

Friends and other distractions can only keep the pain away for so long. It just keeps coming back.

How could he do this to me?

I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM MY HEAD OFF RIGHT NOW! I want to go up to his face and scream at him. I want to call him a dick. I want to slap him and hurt him as much as he hurt me.

I really thought

that he was the one. That that was it. That he was going to be the rest of my life. We made so many plans about our future. I feel like my future has been taken away from me. And that is part of what hurts about this whole thing.

I’m so hurt. So hurt. I don’t understand how someone could be so heartless and thoughtless.

My friend at work is getting married and she was talking about her wedding ring today. Just like 3 weeks ago I would have been joining in on that conversation with Joey in mind. Today, it just made me sad. I thought it was a sure thing that we would always be together. I guess no one’s ever safe. Anything can happen at any time and you should never make plans about the future because you never know when it’s going to get ripped away from you.

I’m so tired of being sad. I want to be happy again.

My faith

That anyone can remain faithful in a relationship has been broken. I don’t think I’ll be able to trust anyone again. And I have absolutely no respect for anyone who does this to someone they love.

I can’t believe it’s taking this long to get over. I feel like it’s been forever. But every time I think I’m all better, I start crying again.

I miss being in love already. I felt so safe. I was so happy. Now I just feel sad all the time. And still pissed off sometimes.

How do I even begin to try to find someone else? I feel like I don’t even know how to go about starting something with someone. How do you get to the point where you know everything about them?

I just want to stop hurting. I want to be happy again…